Monday, June 29, 2009

Breaking News!

A serial killer, or two, has been discovered in our quaint little seaside community and RNYN8T News was the first on the scene with breaking news this afternoon. From what we have been told by the authorities, it seems that a body or two has been found around a home on the hill daily. Yes, you heard that correctly - daily. It seems that the homeowners did not find this unusual and have only today decided that maybe something should be done and the authorities alerted. With this many deaths, the crime labs believe that they are looking for two subjects. One of the killers wears a black tuxedo and the other has long orange hair.

The first tragic victim of these ruthless killers was found on the front walk of a very pleasant home on Nice Avenue this afternoon. The crime fighters have placed this paper model here so that they can continue to study the crime scene. Those feathers you see are the real thing and may not be appropriate for all viewers. The victim was one Mr. Robert Blue. His family has asked that we respect their privacy in the coming days.

And in the backyard of this once peaceful home, a chalk mark mars the patio in the exact spot where a second body was discovered earlier this evening. The name of this second victim is being withheld, pending the notification of family.

Detectives believe that this birdfeeder belongs to the killer. They believe that it was set in this park-like setting in order for our feathered friends to feast calmly and happily, while unknowingly being lured to a tragic end.

THIS JUST IN! Boots Randolph FitzSimmons was captured this afternoon. After extensive questioning by detectives he has been charged with first degree murder and remains behind bars while awaiting trial. An incredibly quick job by our local law enforcement.

A second subject, a Mr. Thomas O'Malley, thought to be of Irish descent, remains at large. He is considered clawed and dangerous. If you see this individual, please call CrimeStoppers immediately.

This has been a special broadcast of Rainy Night News. We now return to your regularly scheduled program.


Faye Pekas said...

This is funny. I finally stopped feeding the birds because I felt like I was just luring them in for the neighborhood cats.

Twisted Fencepost said...

Shameful felines!
A bird can't even get a decent meal without watching over their shoulder in fear.
Cute post, Paula!

Shelby said...

shameless no doubt! but you were on 'em like hot on a glue stick!

Farm Chick Paula said...

Whew! I'm glad the "authorities" were able to apprehend these menaces to society!
*giggle* This was so cute, Paula!

Love Bears All Things said...

You are so talented. We have had the bluebirds build in our nesting box two times but no baby birds. Cats cannot get into the box but they may catch the babies as soon as the fledge. We have a few healthy looking cats that are allowed outside in our neighborhood. Smokey, an inside cat, often wakes me from a sound sleep, trying to act fierce enough to send the visitor on his way.
We have a neighborhood Hawk that gets a meal of Bird occasionally.
I guess it is just part of nature but wish they would do their feeding somewhere else.
Mama Bear

Mary said...


Cute post. I'm glad you are keeping an eye on the cats so they won't feast on too many birds.

Did a bit of catching up. Love the blouse you made in the post below. It's been years since I've sewn anything. Mom is the sewer in our family.

I hope you're enjoying the summer.

Brittany said...

Through the whole first paragraph I was getting concerned because I thought there was a real serial killer in your midst! Don't scare me! But once I calmed down it was very creative.

Jeni said...

That was excellent, Paula! Great way to handle the telling of the recent crime wave in your vicinity.

Adrienne said...

Those four legged felines ... doesn't surprise me - they try to be so coy and aloof. Betcha they try to use that one phone call now! ;-)

Thanks for the giggle!

Jeannie said...

Thank you so much for the news update and making me laugh out loud!!! We consider our feeders and bird baths as "kitty tv". It is usually rated pg with no violence since our feline friends would actually have to get up off the chaise in the shade and move muscles other than the purr motors and chew motors. Have a great week.

Stacey's Treasures said...

Oh, I hope they catch Thomas quikly, before there are any more tragedy's!

mtnchild said...

I love your interpretations of nature at its finest!! I too have found little victims both outside and inside my home.

You gave me a great giggle this morning.


Mimi said...

very very cute...I'm glad they found the two killers and put them behind bars so the rest of the birds will be kept safe from their evil little claws...LOL

happy zombie said...

OMG, I was dying laughing. Ooops... maybe "dying" is not a good choice of a word (I see a chalk outline being drawn).

Oh toooooo funny Paula! YOU KILL ME! Ooops, I did it again.

Tipper said...

Mean kitties : ) cute post.

Miss Jean said...

Where is Gus Grissom when we need him?

Kathryn said...

My goodness, Paula! My heart jumped in y throat for you until I saw the "paper cutout". Then I was confused. Then I laughed!

That was very funny :)

Miss Jean said...

Toooooooo hilarious!!!!!

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Yes, I'm excited to get the book and am thrilled and humbled by the generosity of quilters. I can't wait to get it made.

Adrienne said...

Oh, I hope they catch the other criminal before there are any more deaths! What a scary thing to have going on in your sweet little seaside town. I can't imagine how this has set off the nerves of all around! ~Adrienne~